...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry plastic explosives in your robe.
...You've ever been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look fat?'
...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
...You were amazed to discover that! cell p hones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
...You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.
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