they told me this would happen if I didn't quit doing it...and that even a dancing ball couldn't hide the truth...

My name is Richard Head...but you can call me dick...

To All My on-line friends:

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Merry Christmas to all. (Lets keep CHRIST is CHRISTmas

I am working on a plan to go meet them in Calgary and we will trade peanut butter and jelly for the lobster...and we will herd the lobster down this way...Larry has his hat and boots on...with the little spurs which will substitute as lobster forks on the trail...

FLY Pentop Computer
$99.97

Now this is an Alligator
This gator was found in New Orleans swimming down the street. 21 FT long, 4,500 lbs, around 80
years old minimum. Specialists said that he was looking to eat humans because he was too old to
catch animals. This crocodile was killed by the army last Sunday at 3:00 pm, currently he is in
the freezer at the Azur hotel. The contents of it's stomach will be analyzed
this Friday at 2:30pm.

Champion Sale

STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

"OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

"Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."
Moral of this story? .... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, and treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!

Oh thank gawwwwwdddddd my lobster was on one truck and
the butter was on the other


Truckers end blockade

TOM McCOAG / Amherst Bureau
Trucker spokesman Earl Germaine talks with RCMP
members shortly after six trucks partially blockaded
the Trans Canada Highway's eastbound lane at the Nova
Scotia-New Brunswick boundary on Thursday to protest
against the high cost of fuel.
Threat of tickets clears out gas price protesters


Truckers were moving their vehicles away from
barricades in northern New Brunswick on Thursday night
to avoid receiving hefty traffic fines, a spokesman
for the RCMP said late in the evening.

The independent drivers have been protesting high gas
prices for the past three days on highways throughout
the province - causing shortages at grocery stores and
a virtual shutdown in the flow of consumer goods into
and out of the Maritimes. Full story ...

Do I detect the smell of KFC on your lips?

Do you believe in intelligent design...happy anniversary

MILLENNIUM
(The Terrestrial Virus)

It was a most elegant example of the species. Robust and healthy, the likelihood of survival and prosperity were merely a factor of its continued existence. The beginning had been violent and growth had been slow. Many years had to pass before the intrinsic beauty began to appear, but accelerated rapidly as maturity began to evolve it into a most exquisite jewel.
Nestled in just the perfect place, many beneficial properties imbued themselves into the makeup of this consummate Eden. Invaluable to the health, these members wove themselves into a massively interconnected network of cooperation and interdependency the likes of which could only be envied. Their function was essential to the continued advancement for they provided something, in their own way, to the well-being and enduring sustenance that was provided them. They would come into being and pass on leaving their mark without disrupting the fabric that encompassed their domain.
It would seem that perfection was defined. Coexistence and harmony were the picture that was painted on the canvas, value beyond comprehension or definition. But, something wasn't right, in fact a terrible malignancy was insidiously planting itself in the very core of the spirit that had made everything complete.
The onset was hardly noticeable, the changes imperceptible in the beginning. The very diversity that had defined the dimensions and scope of this proud experiment in presence had encouraged an element that did not share the same refinement and beliefs. The motivation was neither as esoteric nor ethereal. Intelligence was the defining factor and it was not a complimentary trait.
Development was rapid. In the grand view it would seem to have taken only moments to spread. The effects, however, were devastating, incomprehensible. The edges began to fray. The system began to deteriorate. Where change had been ordained and planned, agreed upon and executed with order and acquiescence there now was ravage without reason. Death and destruction without purpose was now the law of the land. It began in the same froth as the rest but it was driven by dark demons. All others killed to survive and regenerate their kind. To live and leave the rest alone. This new constituent wanted all that and more.
Without benefit of natural defenses it cloned it's own. It found value in these skills and lost consciousness of the value of the environment. It worshipped itself and mocked all other beliefs. The waste generated was caustic and debilitating. Exponentially growing in direct proportion to the expansion of the wilding beast.
Death for the benefit of life no longer satisfied nor supplicated it. It defied all attempts to eradicate it. It mutated to new forms each time a threat confronted it but it still remained the same menace and this compromised the existence of everything else.
The beneficial components that comprised the whole were disappearing. The life- blood was being eaten away and the toll was showing itself in a disastrous way. The sphere of life that defined the ecology and incorporated all else was vanishing and the beauty that made it all possible was quickly vanishing.
But space was limited and the need to expand too great. It needs to extend its reach to new hosts before it wasted everything. It could not live here much longer. The systems were being strained to the limit and would soon collapse without the support they enjoyed in the past. Sustenance no longer existed for all and they began to die. As they disappeared the host began to die. Maybe this was the answer. As the host dies so do the parasites that infect it. They either leave and find a new victim or they die with the host.
Fortunately the system is strong and enduring. The disease will leave its mark but hopefully the whole will survive to replenish itself and go on. Damage will be extensive but not irreversible. Death is not the only alternative to be considered. It is a possibility that this Virus, to give it a name, will burn itself out, eat Itself out of existence, destroy everything it needs to exists and leave the rest. And when it is gone new elements will come into being that will help to repair the damage. Make everything new again and exist in harmony and cooperation once again.
I hope so.

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes"delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

***

WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
Send this warning to everyone!!!THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD! Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look at you - you're on the computer!!!!

Buy two select philosophy products and get free 6-oz. Melon Daiquiri Shower Gel ($10 value). click here(Ends 07-29-05)

Red Friday

You will soon see a lot of people wearing Red on Fridays. Here's why.....

The Americans, who support our troops, are the silent majority. We are not "organized" to reflect who we are, or to reflect what our opinions are. Many Americans, like yourself, and all their friends, simply want to recognize that Americans support our troops.

Our idea

of showing our solidarity and support for our troops is starting Friday and continuing on each and every Friday, until this is over, that every red -blooded American who supports our young men and women, WEAR SOMETHING RED. Word of mouth, press, TV-let's see if we can make the United States, on any given Friday, a sea of red much like a home football game at a University.

If every one of our memberships share this with other acquaintances, fellow workers, friends, and neighbors, I guarantee ! that it will not be long before the USA will be covered in RED - and make our troops know there are many people thinking of their well-being. You will feel better all day Friday when you wear Red! So let's get the word out and lead by example; wear RED on Fridays.

I sent this out to everyone on my email list; hopefully, you will too.

Wear Red on Fridays ..

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE. FOR US, THEIR BLOOD RUNS RED!! GOD BLESS AMERICA

ps.
for those who know what I'm talking about...you can add this blog to your yahoo My Yahoo page with this site feed URL
http://jimbozine.blogspot.com/atom.xml
for those who don't know what I'm talking about...go the Jimbozone and press the donate button for more information...

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Life doesn't get any better than this..

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oh, but it can...

Can you hear Meow? Can you hear Meow?

ON THIS DATE

Top court rejects beer prescriptions

In 1924, the San Bemardino Evening
Telegram ran a United Press story in which it
was reported that the SupremeCourt upheld
the act of Congress that expressly forbade the
prescription of beer for medicinal purposes,
stating that, the prohibition of alcohol was in
fact constitutional.
Lawyers for the James Everard's Brew-
eries attempted to determine the authority of
Congress to deny by legislative act the privi-
lege of drinking beer under a physidians's
prescription for its medicinal properties. ?
Lower courts had previously decided
Congress was well within its constitutional
powers when it enforced the ban.
The brewers appealed on the grounds
that the 18th Amendment did not empower
Congress to forbid the use of any sort of li-
quor as medicine. If beer was forbidden under
a doctor's prescription, it was argued, spirti-
eus liquors must also be forbidden under the
same circumstances.
The value of beer as a medicine was not
at issue in the case, only the power of Con-
gress to declare it unlawful to use it for me-
dicinal purposes.
The decision ended a dispute that began
in 1921 when Attorney General A. Mitchell
Palmer rendered an opinion that the 18th
Amendment did not prohibit the manufacture
of liquors under the guise of medicine.
The ruling led to the issuing of permits
for the distillation and distribution of alcohol
using a doctor's prescription..
A month later, Congress passed the
Willis-Campbell Act amending the national
prohibition act to forbid the use of beer for
medical purposes.

cha-ching...

welcome to the integretron, please follow me to the rejuvenation chamber...

inside ground floor

the structure