Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".
THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE ! AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE"
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE
ON
THE
SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'
THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE I T DOWN
ON SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING
GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT ON STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT.'
LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS
ON
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS
ON STONE.
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".
THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE ! AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE"
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE
ON
THE
SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'
THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE I T DOWN
ON SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING
GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT ON STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT.'
LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS
ON
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS
ON STONE.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
DIVORCE VS. MURDER
DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the
pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked
straight into his eyes,and said, "I would like to
buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you
need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,
"Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's
against the law! I'll lose my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All
kinds
of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You
CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband in
bed with the
pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the
picture and replied,
"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you
had a prescription."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
walmart greeter
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The
Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The
Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't! The
oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't! The
oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't
believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you
for shopping at Wal-Mart
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Wednesday, February 06, 2008
You Might Be In The al Qaeda If...
You Might Be In The al Qaeda If...
...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry plastic explosives in your robe.
...You've ever been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look fat?'
...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
...You were amazed to discover that! cell p hones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
...You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.
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...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
...You have more wives than teeth.
...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry plastic explosives in your robe.
...You've ever been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look fat?'
...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.
...You were amazed to discover that! cell p hones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
...You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'
...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.
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Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy New Year...
We have a new year ahead of us and only the most contentous election to come along since the Supremes anointed George the fecond to office in 2000. Let me see...do I want the coked out neophite, the embattled power whore or any one of the republican hacks that represent the worst cadre of worthless propagandists to pop up in the political whack-a-polemic contest since the dawn of man...It cerntainly will be one for the record books...on the plus side...If Hillary wins Bill O'rediculous and Sham O'hammity's head will explode on national TV...
Thursday, November 22, 2007
This Year's First Christmas Joke
This Year's First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And
just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins...
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And
just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Christmas Season Begins...
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Wednesday, September 05, 2007
bizarro world
New York - When a Coney Island lifeguard spied a shark near an upset group of swimmers, he did what he thought was right: He rescued the fish.
Marisu Mironescu, 39, said he was prompted to action Monday after seeing about 75 to 100 people circling the 2-foot sand shark ff the beach and "bugging out".
"They were holding onto it and some people were actually hitting him, smacking his face," said Mironescu. "Well, I wasn't going to let them hurt the poor thing."
He grabbed the largely harmless shark in his arms and carried it, backstroking out to sea, where he let it go...
asked what he was doing he said "I couldn't stand the thought of seeing another case of Men eating sharks...attacking the beach..."
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Wednesday, August 29, 2007
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