Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Scientists produce illusion of body-swapping

Dec. 2, 2008
Courtesy Karolinska Institute
and World Science staff
Cog­ni­tive neu­ro­sci­en­tists at the Swed­ish med­i­cal uni­ver­s­ity Karolin­ska In­sti­tute say they have made peo­ple per­ceive the bod­ies of man­nequins and oth­er peo­ple as their own. The find­ings are to ap­pear Dec. 3 in the on­line re­search jour­nal PLoS One.

"This shows how easy it is to change the brain's per­cep­tion of the phys­i­cal self," said the in­sti­tute's Hen­rik Ehrs­son, who led the proj­ect. "By ma­ni­pu­lat­ing sen­so­ry im­pres­sions, it's pos­si­ble to fool the self not only out of its body but in­to oth­er bod­ies too."

The re­search was aimed at learn­ing more about how the brain con­structs an in­ter­nal im­age of the body. Ma­ni­pu­lation of bodily iden­ti­fica­t­ion and self-per­cep­tion may be use­ful in vir­tu­al real­ity ap­plica­t­ions and ro­bot tech­nol­o­gy, ac­cord­ing to the re­search­ers.

In a first ex­pe­ri­ment, they fit­ted the head of a shop dum­my with two cam­er­as con­nect­ed to two small screens placed in front of the sub­jects' eyes, so that they saw what the dum­my "saw." When the dum­my's cam­era eyes and a sub­jec­t's head were di­rect­ed down­wards, the sub­ject saw the dum­my's body where he or she would nor­mally have seen his or her own.

The bod­y-swapping il­lu­sion arose, investigators said, when a sci­ent­ist touched the stom­ach of both with two sticks. The sub­ject could then see that the man­nequin's stom­ach was be­ing touched while feel­ing, but not see­ing, a si­m­i­lar sensa­t­ion on his or her own stom­ach. As a re­sult, the sub­ject de­vel­oped a pow­er­ful sensa­t­ion that the man­nequin's body was his or her own, re­search­ers said.

In anoth­er ex­pe­ri­ment, the cam­era was mount­ed on­to anoth­er per­son's head. When this per­son and the sub­ject turned to­wards each oth­er to shake hands, the sub­ject per­ceived the cam­er­a-wear­er's body as his or her own.

"The sub­jects see them­selves shak­ing hands from the out­side, but ex­perience it as anoth­er per­son," said Va­le­ria Petkova, who con­ducted the study with Ehrs­son. "The sen­so­ry im­pres­sion from the hand-shake is per­ceived as though com­ing from the new body, rath­er than the sub­jec­t's own."

The strength of the il­lu­sion was con­firmed by the sub­jects' ex­hibit­ing stress re­ac­tions when a knife was held to the cam­era wear­er's arm but not when it was held to their own, in­ves­ti­ga­tors said. The il­lu­sion al­so worked even when the two peo­ple dif­fered in ap­pearance or were of dif­fer­ent sexes. How­ev­er, it was­n't pos­si­ble to fool people in­to iden­ti­fy­ing with a non-humanoid ob­ject, such as a chair or a large block, the re­search­ers not­ed

Saturday, November 08, 2008

The monster kills the maker...

WASHINGTON – Regulators shut down Houston-based Franklin Bank and Security Pacific Bank in Los Angeles on Friday, bringing the number of failures of federally insured banks this year to 19.
The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. was appointed receiver of Franklin Bank, which had $5.1 billion in assets and $3.7 billion in deposits as of Sept. 30, and of Security Pacific Bank, with $561.1 million in assets and $450.1 million in deposits as of Oct. 17.
The co-founder and chairman of parent Franklin Bank Corp., Lewis Ranieri, is credited with inventing mortgage-backed securities two decades ago, but apparently was unable to save his own company from getting ensnared in the home-loan bust.
The bank's failure is a bitter irony because it is the mortgage securitization business of which Ranieri is known as a pioneer — the repackaging of home loans as bonds that are sold to investors — that was at the heart of the mortgage and credit crises. Last spring, the audit committee of the company's board found in an investigation certain weaknesses in accounting, disclosure and other issues relating to residential real estate loans.
Franklin Bank Corp. just Sunday said it had received proposals for transactions to strengthen Franklin Bank's capital position and was keeping regulators informed of the talks' progress.
The FDIC said all of Franklin Bank's deposits will be assumed by Prosperity Bank of El Campo, Texas. Its 46 offices will reopen as branches of Prosperity Bank with their normal business hours, including those that open on Saturday. In addition to assuming Franklin Bank's deposits, Prosperity Bank also will acquire about $850 million of the failed bank's assets.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

New Debate Rules Allow For One 15-Second Strangulation

OXFORD, MS—Amid discussions of possibly postponing the debate altogether, Sens. Barack Obama (D-IL) and John McCain (R-AZ) were able to agree Thursday on a new guideline that would allow each candidate one 15-second strangulation during Friday night's presidential debate. "Both candidates will receive two minutes to answer each question, five minutes for discussion, and a one-time-only option to walk over to their opponent's podium and cut off his oxygen supply for up to 15 seconds," a statement from the Commission on Presidential Debates read in part, also specifying that debate moderator Jim Lehrer can exercise his own discretion in determining whether or not the strangulations go over time. "After being choked, the candidate, if still standing, may counter with one of his two allotted empty beer bottles to the head." Because many have agreed the new rule will benefit McCain, the commission has also allotted Obama an optional double-thumbed eye gouge

 

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Depressed



I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.











Got a call center in Pakistan, I told them I was suicidal.





They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck

Monday, August 11, 2008

Refugee Exodus Grows in Southern Philippines

MANILA — The number of Filipinos displaced from their homes since fighting began late last week between government forces and Islamic separatists in the southern Philippines reached 130,000 on Monday, officials said. The military and the police sent more troops to fight the rebels.

Social welfare officials warned of a potential humanitarian disaster as the fighting between troops and elements of the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, which had been confined to two provinces, threatened to spill over to other areas. The Moro Islamic Liberation Front is a separatist group that has been fighting for an Islamic state in the southern region of Mindanao for several decades.

Local media reported that thousands of residents, the majority of them Muslims, had been fleeing their homes since Friday, many in carts pulled by water buffaloes.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

As Iraq Surplus Rises, Little Goes Into Rebuilding

Soaring oil prices will leave the Iraqi government with a cumulative budget surplus of as much as $79 billion by year's end, according to an American federal oversight agency. But Iraq has spent only a minute fraction of that on reconstruction costs, which are now largely borne by the United States.
The unspent windfall, which covers surpluses from oil sales since 2005, appears likely to reinforce growing debate about the approximately $48 billion in American taxpayer money devoted to rebuilding Iraq since the American-led invasion.
In one comparison, the United States has spent $23.2 billion in the critical areas of security, oil, electricity and water since the 2003 invasion, the report said. But from 2005 through April 2008, Iraq has spent just $3.9 billion on similar services.
Over all, the report from the Government Accountability Office estimates, Iraqi oil revenue from 2005 through the end of this year will amount to at least $156 billion. And in an odd financial twist, a large amount of the surplus money is sitting in an American bank in New York — nearly $10 billion at the end of 2007, with more expected this year, when the accountability office estimates a skyrocketing surplus.
The report was requested by two senior senators, Carl Levin, Democrat of Michigan, and John W. Warner, Republican of Virginia, and on Tuesday they were quick to express strong dissatisfaction over the contrast between American spending on reconstruction and the weak record of spending by Iraq itself.
"The Iraqi government now has tens of billions of dollars at its disposal to fund large-scale reconstruction projects," Mr. Levin, who is chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, said in a joint statement with Mr. Warner. "It is inexcusable for U.S. taxpayers to continue to foot the bill for projects the Iraqis are fully capable of funding themselves. We should not be paying for Iraqi projects, while Iraqi oil revenues continue to pile up in the bank."
From the beginning of the conflict, American officials assured taxpayers and the world that Iraq would use oil money to pay for reconstruction. But that has not happened. Several senior Iraqi officials were either traveling on Tuesday or declined to comment, saying they were not familiar with the report.
 
and the only way the bush administration and the rebumbliclutzes can think of to reduce the deficit is to slash and burn domestic programs like medicare, medical and social security...


 

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE ! AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE"

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE
ON
THE
SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED
'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE I T DOWN
ON SAND, WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING
GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT ON STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT.'

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS
ON
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS
ON STONE.

Monday, April 14, 2008

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

DIVORCE VS. MURDER
  
 A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the
 pharmacy, walked up to the
 pharmacist, looked
 straight into his eyes,and said, "I would like to
 buy some cyanide."
  
 The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you
 need cyanide?"
  
 The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
 The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,
 "Lord have mercy! I can't
 give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's
 against the law! I'll lose my
 license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All
 kinds
 of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You
 CANNOT have any cyanide!"
  
 The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
 picture of her husband in
 bed with the
 pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the
 picture and replied,
 "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you
 had a prescription."


 

 

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

walmart greeter

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with
her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The
Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't! The
oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're
twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't
believe someone would sleep with you twice. Have a good day and thank you
for shopping at Wal-Mart


 


Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

You Might Be In The al Qaeda If...

You Might Be In The al Qaeda If...

...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

...You have more wives than teeth.

...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry plastic explosives in your robe.

...You've ever been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look fat?'

...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.

...You were amazed to discover that! cell p hones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

...You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done with your cave.'

...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.


 


Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year...

We have a new year ahead of us and only the most contentous election to come along since the Supremes anointed George the fecond to office in 2000. Let me see...do I want the coked out neophite, the embattled power whore or any one of the republican hacks that represent the worst cadre of worthless propagandists to pop up in the political whack-a-polemic contest since the dawn of man...

It cerntainly will be one for the record books...on the plus side...If Hillary wins Bill O'rediculous and Sham O'hammity's head will explode on national TV...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

This Year's First Christmas Joke

This Year's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a
lighter.  He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of
keys.   He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And
just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins...


 


Be a better pen pal. Text or chat with friends inside Yahoo! Mail. See how.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

bizarro world

New York - When a Coney Island lifeguard spied a shark near an upset group of swimmers, he did what he thought was right: He rescued the fish.
 
Marisu Mironescu, 39, said he was prompted to action Monday after seeing about 75 to 100 people circling the 2-foot sand shark ff the beach and "bugging out".
 
"They were holding onto it and some people were actually hitting him, smacking his face," said Mironescu.  "Well, I wasn't going to let them hurt the poor thing."
 
He grabbed the largely harmless shark in his arms and carried it, backstroking out to sea, where he let it go...
 
asked what he was doing he said "I couldn't stand the thought of seeing another case of Men eating sharks...attacking the beach..."


 


Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Motor City Madman Attacks Dems

The Onion

Motor City Madman Attacks Dems

In a video of a recent live performance, rocker Ted Nugent launched into a tirade against Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY),...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Shaking Off Amnesia, Gonzales Remembers He's Actually Pool Salesman From Tulsa

from the Onion...

WASHINGTON, DC—Embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' future was thrown further into jeopardy Friday when he was accidentally struck by a boom microphone, reversing a years-long case of amnesia and causing him to remember his true identity as hotshot Tulsa, OK pool and spa salesman "Cabana Al" Gonzales.

Enlarge Image Gonzales

Gonzales asks Congress to let him return to his real career as soon as possible.

"My God, what am I doing here?" a dazed Gonzales asked reporters in what they assured him was indeed his office. "The last thing I remember is slipping on some wet redwood decking out by the Boswicks' 16-by-48-foot in-ground El Tropico—beautiful pool, that one, with a hefty seven percent commission attached—and then suddenly I'm waking up three years older, 25 pounds heavier, and defending my actions in the firing of eight federal prosecutors. Somebody has obviously made a really big mistake."

"Clearly, I should not be seventh in line for the presidency," Gonzales said. "Can I go home now?"

After being informed of the details of his recent legal career, including his opinion that the right of habeas corpus is not represented in the Constitution and that law enforcement officers do not in fact need warrants to listen to phone calls made by private citizens, Gonzales expressed regret over "whatever it was [he] did" and apologized to anyone he may have inconvenienced by his actions over the past three years.

White House doctors say Gonzales' amnesia seems to have been completely eradicated, leaving him dazed, shaken, and unable to explain how he became the chief law enforcement officer of the federal government.

"Law never really interested me much," Gonzales said. "Got a brother-in-law who's a lawyer. Sold him a pool, actually. But that's it."

Archived footage from Tulsa local television found by Senate investigators shows him in several local commercials touting "Cabana Al" as "the pool salesman Tulsa trusts" as late as November 2004, mere days before Bush announced he would nominate Gonzales to succeed John Ashcroft for Bush's second term. Furthermore, voluntarily taken polygraph tests indicated that Gonzales has absolutely no idea how he came to be placed in his current job, where he is in charge of a $40 billion budget and more than 110,000 employees.

"Why the hell would anyone appoint me, of all people, to this position?" Gonzales asked. "All I know about law is a couple of local Tulsa zoning ordinances restricting how big a pool you can put in various-sized suburban lots. Hey, I didn't change any of those while I...when you all thought I was.... No? Man, what a shame."

The Senate has decided against holding a no-confidence vote on Gonzales, as those who opposed the attorney general believe their point has been made, and those who supported him acknowledge that he himself is pleading to be excused from duties so that he can return to the greater Tulsa area as soon as possible.

"It's already full-blown summer, and if I'm going to sell any in-ground units this year I have to start digging by the end of June or they won't be ready until September almost, and the commission on above-ground stuff is just pathetic," Gonzales told Congress.

The attorney general has so far rejected Bush's offers to strike him upon the head in an attempt to reverse his sudden, unexpected amnesia cure and restore him to his former mental state. On the advice of counsel, all of whom, it has been verified, are actual lawyers, Gonzales has said he will not comment further on White House business, except to say that, if the president is interested, he could hook him up with a good deal on a three-season heated "Olympia model" for the Rose Garden

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Jesus Is My Health Insurance

from the Onion...

I tell you, people these days have lost their faith. Everybody's turning to the television or drugs or the government to solve their problems, when they should be trusting in the Lord.

Why, just the other day I went to County General because my legs were giving me awful pains, and this nurse starting asking me questions about providers and what was my health care plan and wanting my insurance card so she could copy it. I said, "Child, I don't need all that fancy paperwork—not as long as I have Jesus in my heart."

No matter what sorts of hardships and illnesses life throws my way, I always count on the Lord to oversee my managed care. So I told that nurse to send my bills right up to heaven. Send them right on up, because Jesus is my preferred provider and He always grants me full coverage. After all, Jesus believed in healing the sick and helping the poor, so He most definitely believes in paying my doctor bills on time.

The Son of God doesn't screen for pre- existing conditions, and the only requirement for coverage is that you accept Him into your life. There is no deductible with the Lord, and every doctor, clinic, and hospital is in His network. As long as I get down on my knees and submit my claims every night, Jesus will accept them. Even though Peter denied Him three times in a single night, He never denies me, no matter how many ovarian cysts and respiratory infections I might develop.

As long as I place my $10 weekly premium in the Holy Redeemer collection plate every Sunday, my spirit is full with the Lord. He maketh me lie down in green pastures, leadeth me beside the still waters, and covereth hospital stays for up to 90 days per benefit period.

Unlike many earthly health plans, the Lord's benefit summary is endless. It includes full vision and ambulance and X-rays. Hemodialysis, infertility treatment, dental, and gynecological exams are also included, as well as physical and occupational therapy. And well-baby and well-child care is covered too, including immunizations and hearing tests. For additional benefits details, consult your Bible.

But best of all, Jesus' plan is the only one that covers the greatest health benefit of all: everlasting life. Yes, indeed—the Lord primary-care provides.

Now, I remember the days when I was all alone in the world. Until I found the Lord, I was consumed with fear because my heart problems were getting worse and I had to be on these special pills and I couldn't afford regular insurance with my hotel housekeeping job. That's when I discovered that Jesus' emer- gency room accepts everybody. No lines, no waiting, no forms to fill out. He lifts my soul but never my rates.

Oh, once in a while those folks from P & H Collection Agency come calling, but I know it's just Jesus testing me. For I know that just as He delivered Lazarus from the tomb, the Lord will deliver me from the $80,000 in unpaid medical costs on my billing statement.

Today, I just give myself to the Lord and know that He will always provide a substantial portion of my net health-care costs for non-elective surgeries and routine office visits. And with the Holy Spirit as my death and dismemberment policy, my next of kin will one day reap the riches of heaven. Praise be

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Hallmark Scientists Identify 3 New Human Emotions

from the Onion

KANSAS CITY, MO—Scientists at Hallmark Cards' Center for the Research and Development of Sentiments announced Monday that they had discovered three previously unknown emotions that can be experienced by human beings and captured on a folded piece of card stock.

Enlarge Image Hallmark Scientists

Exploring The Human Psyche

Dr. Susan McMurrough has spent years analyzing the deep, unexamined feelings of thousands of test subjects in order to discover new, marketable emotions.

"These new Hallmark-brand feelings will fill a void that has too long persisted in the consumable pleasantries market," said Hallmark president and CEO Don Hall, Jr., speaking to reporters in front of a watercolor backdrop of tulips beside a pond. "They will add a whole new level of complexity and nuance to the way we humans relate to one another, and will fill in any gaps left by our 'Thinking of You' and 'Just Because' categories."

The first emotion the project successfully isolated was "requiapathy," the combination of relief and guilt that comes with the sudden realization that you no longer miss a dead loved one. That discovery quickly led to the uncovering of "seprudity," the feeling of appreciating a coworker's dedication without fully understanding his or her job function, and "trepatiousness," a synthesis of rage and jealousy, though more muted and often accompanied by a sensation of weight-lessness.

"[Trepatiousness] appears to be a very rare emotion, almost exclusively experienced while in a dream state," said principal investigator Dr. Susan McMurrough, a leader in the field of keepsake science best known for her work on the revolutionary "Blank Inside" line of cards. "The only way to activate it during waking hours, in fact, is with a combination of reds, oranges, and drowsy beagles in top hats."

The three emotions represent the latest discovery in the center's ongoing Emotions Mapping Project, a $42.4 million effort to identify and codify all of the mental and physiological states generated within the human psyche that are not currently covered by Hallmark's extensive line of greeting cards and collectible ornaments.

Enlarge Image Hallmark Cards

A prototype of one of the new cards, which will be available at Hallmark stores in time for Father's Day.

In 2002, McMurrough monitored the MRI activity of nearly 10,000 test subjects between the ages of 25 and 40 as they described all emotions they had experienced in the past six months and rated each for its intensity, duration, and whether it would be conveyable to others by mail. To identify targets of further study, McMurrough's team referenced that data against a matrix of all possible combinations of the neurotransmitters that catalyze human emotion.

"Until now, millions of people worldwide were forced to express their sincere and heartfelt requiapathy, seprudity, and trepatiousness with clumsy words and gestures," Hall said. "Our colorful and succinct messages will spare them countless hours of inconvenience and potential misunderstandings."

After a second group of Hallmark scientists successfully replicated the initial study's results, the sentiments were immediately submitted to the U.S. Patent Office and rushed to Hallmark headquarters, where writers, illustrators, and graphic designers interpreted the new emotions in warm, concise verse; inoffensive, ingratiating humor; and reassuring pastel watercolors.

"This research is not only groundbreaking—it's inspirational," said Mallory Jefson, a writer for Hallmark's Best Wishes department, who added that the emotions have led them to creative heights not reached since Secretaries Day became Administrative Professionals Day in 2000. In a single day of brainstorming, Jefson and her colleagues developed 15 seprudity-based card concepts that incorporated cats in sunglasses, and 22 new coffee mugs featuring the tart-tongued, post-menopausal character Maxine expressing requiapathy.

The Hallmark laboratories have been at the forefront of the greeting card sciences since the '40s. Their work has led to the creation of eight federally recognized holidays, the specification of a time frame in which someone ought to get well, and over a dozen flower and cursive-font combinations that, sales figures show, have effectively conveyed the complex emotional and psychological states of an estimated 185 million Americans.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The future...

Photo
is bleak if one of these men is given the opportunity to run this country...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

High School Girls' T-Shirts Say WHAT?
"Trust Me...I'm Single"
"Don't Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride"
"I Know What Boys Want"
"Yes, But Not With U"
"Your Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser"
"Two Boys for Every Girl"
"Single and Ready to Mingle"
"Flirting My Way to the Top"
"I'm Too Hot to Handle"

 


Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check out new cars at Yahoo! Autos.

Friday, April 27, 2007

it's that time of year again...


And once again the time has come to celebrate the birth of the chosen one and revel in his glory...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Taxpayer Information At Risk

from the Onion...

A recent government report concluded that the IRS has not adequately protected the data on 52,000 IRS laptops. What do you think?

Old Woman

Felicia Keir,
Systems Analyst
"What about the desktops? Shouldn't we be worrying about those too? Never underestimate the brute strength of an identity thief."

Old Man

Gregory Teedle,
Marine
"To be fair, the IRS has a lot of other stuff to worry about, like adequately protecting the data on their thousands of laptops."

Young Man

Arnold Velmeir,
Store Manager
"This shall be the new reason why I don't pay taxes. To hell with 'no income' and 'laziness.'"

Saturday, February 24, 2007

The breakthrough...

Recent studies have conclusively shown that circumscision reduces men's chances of catching HIV by up to sixty percent..."this is an extraordinary development" said Dr. Kevin de Cock, director of the World Health Organization's AIDS department...
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, January 13, 2007

saving face...


I've been reading the posts in Eons and now I cant feel my face...are my eyes open...how are my teeth...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Just remember during this time of year...nobody has been as good as they think they have been... Posted by Picasa

All he needs are a few more troops to "Win"
 Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 23, 2006

often times it is the little things...


that really emphasize true talent...while others take endless sunsets ad-nauseam the true talent is in the smallest details...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a
Ride"
 Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

THE YEAR 1906

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California .

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
a dentist $2,500 per year,? a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.?

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.


Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write.

?Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )

Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you and others all over the United States, possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

IT STAGGERS THE MIND, EH..?

 Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 25, 2006

After a hard days blogging I reach for an ice cold monkey to slake that unquenchable thirst...nothin says refreshment like Mikes Hard monkey...


icon


Shutterfly.com